it's way worse then the green eyed monster of jealousy, its way worse then having a short fuse... its way worse!!
it consumes a person from within and slowly eats away at what goodness and warmth that is left in him/her. its gives the ego-maniac a false sense of confidence and to the person, elevates them to a place in THEIR mind that FEELS like the top of the world, but in all honesty, ego only serves to alienate you from others, cause others to loathe you, make people hate you and feel like running a garbage truck over you over and over again....
I know this for a fact, as I was once a person that HAD a massive ego(to add to my already massive frame!!). My ego was so massive that not one other person could stand being in the same room with me, even for 2 mins!! it was so bad that even family members were keeping their distance, for fear of my backlash when they tried to bring me down to earth!!
i thought i was the best around and god's gift to humanity! nothing anyone said had any bearing on my self being, it was like I was god himself!!
it applied to everything that i did, be it in my studies, be it in my music, be it in my relationships.
in an ideal world, it would have been great to say that i saw the light one day, that god saved me... but the truth is, he didn't, i guess he couldn't be bothered about what i was doing, since i was so self consumed!
i have my good buddies satpal and jaggu to thank for that... they showed me a mirror of myself, and i didn't like what i saw, they tied my feet ball and chain to ground me, and the ran the truck over me over and over again... until i can to my senses....
i was crushed, defeated, humbled, ashamed, torn apart in pieces, rotting... for i saw me for who i was... nothing much at all... that all my life i had amounted to nothing!! not even a speck of dust... i thought i was the best musician there ever lived, but i had barely achieved anything of recognition... and so on and so forth... all my short comings were exposed and shown for what they were... just layers of lies and more lies... that i had build around myself... because deep down inside, subconsciously, i knew that i was nothing much... and that i feared of being ridiculed... so i created this persona of myself.... just to keep me happy...
anyways, many moons have passed and i am much changed!! i made right of all my wrongs when i was mr. EGO, and it has served me better....
and here, i give credit to GOD... many people were shocked when i took amrit(for the non-Sikh's, baptism) out of the blue in 2000. i did this not to find god or to look for a purpose in life, but, in all honesty, i need HIM to help me stay grounded... and by being a SIKH, i remain grounded... never has my ego popped up again... and it has done me a lot of good!
i put in a lot of work to improve my self in all aspects, being guided by the invisible hand of the GURU... and i have a lot to show for it now... and i will keep on working for fear of going back to my old self, and disappointing everyone that i love.
i can talk openly about it now, it wasn't easy back then, but i cant talk about it now as i have suppressed the ego and it will never rear its ugly head again....
my memories were triggered by a recent incident between two dear friends, both with ego's the size of a football field and both oblivious to it!! when push came to shove, and they were both exposed... it hurt them, more so one party then the other, some snide comments were made and both clashed... and when i say clash, i mean clash of the titans!!
needless to say, both parties have since drifted apart, and i can only hope that time will heal their wounded self being, and kill off their ego's... for the sake of everyone else around them, and more importantly, for themselves!!
so i you guys are reading this, please do not make the same mistakes that i made, do not take the same path that i took, for it is a path that will crush the weak... and at this moment, i dunno if your fragile self being can take such a massive blow!!
but, guys, no matter what, you are family, and family helps each other, and i will do everything in my power to repair the damage done to you first, and then between the two of you!! THIS IS A PROMISE OF AN ELDER BROTHER.
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